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Nov

27

Blue State Blues …

Posted By: 'Okie' | 7:20 pm — 11/27/2004 | Comments Off See comments below:

Those of us raised in the Red States know from where we came. Now the Blue staters are worried that their children might figure it out on their own, or maybe with a little help from the Fishing Channel! Iowahawk brings some levity into the phenomina of the Blue State Blues as Coastal Parents Battle Invasion of Dollywood Values.

“I’m not sure where we went wrong,” says Ellen McCormack, nervously fondling the recycled paper cup holding her organic Kona soy latte. “It seems like only yesterday Rain was a carefree little boy at the Montessori school, playing non-competitive musical chairs with the other children and his care facilitators.” …

She opens the door to a reveal a riot of George Jones CDs, reflective ‘mudflap mama’ stickers, empty foil packs of Red Man, and U.S. Marine recruiting posters. In the middle of the room: a makeshift table made from a utility cable spool, bearing a the remains of a gutted catfish.

“This used to be all Ikea,” she says, rocking on heels between heaved sobs. “It’s too late for us. Maybe it’s not to late for me to warn others.” …

“My daddy was sorta mad when I tolt him I was gonna skip Columbia Journalism School for a plumbing apprenticeship,” he answer philosophically, popping a plug of Red Man into his lip. “I tolt him that journalism is important, but the world needs plumbers too.”

“After the toilet backed up, I think he got my point.”

There’s lots like this and more. Good fun, but be aware, a little racy in spots! . . . db

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